My eightieth birthday binge

Ann, Eds, Andre and Lucy dancing

My 80th birthday has been celebrated in style. Everyone who loves us was there, including many of our neighbours, and it was the people there who made the night a joyous success. Edwin and Andre had arranged everything - mostly. They hired the hall, arranged the catering, bought the decorations, booked a DJ and – on the day – with the help of Ben, Kaz and Luke, blew up all the balloons and set out the tables. The one thing they could not order was the cake! Never had Edwin met so much negativity as from those so called cake chefs. None was available, and often declined in a very rude manner. In desperation, he handed the task over to Ann. She too had difficulty, probably phoning many of the ones Eds had tried. Finally, a local person answered Ann's plea on Facebook and promised to bake one, to be ready on the morning of the party. The day started wet and I overslept. The boys left early for their haircut before collecting the hall key, and we followed. I went off to pick up the cake, but I was early at the house and no one answered for a while before her mother came to the door in dressing gown, saying, "My daughter does them. She's still in bed." Eventually she dressed and came down, carrying the most delightful looking confection. Our relief was palpable.

Cutting the cake with Lucia and Theo

The DJ was brilliant playing so much variety over the eight decades, including many of our favourites to which many of us danced, even me waving my stick about. Ann and I went as 60's hippies, Edwin was Taylor Swift, and Andre Ed Sheeran. Ben and Kaz came as a priest and nun, while Matthew and Rosie had the nerve to come us me and Ann! They were brilliant, and Matts looked more like me than I do.

Ben, Andre and Kaz

Lucy and Theo

Mateo, Lucy and Luke

Ann and I trip the floor

Who is which?

I am privileged to have made it through the world for eighty years, for many of them supported by and in the company Ann, the best companion a man can have.  Most of them have been wonderful, memorable years, but all have been defined by the people I have met, especially those who add to our lives as did the people who came to support this celebration. Many of them travelled great distances to be here: Ben and Kaz from Telford, my brother Richard and Chris from Coventry, and Lucy, Matthew and Dan and their families from the north. Even many local friends braved the cold night to come, including our neighbour in his wheelchair. Thank you all so much. You will not be forgotten when I remember this wonderful day; your presence added to the occasion. 

Happy Christmas everyone

Our Christmas Hearth

Yesterday we went to Rae and Malcolm's for mince pies, and now it is Christmas Eve. Edwin and Andre are here to share Christmas and prepare for my grand 80th birthday bash. A large number have said they will come, so we hope the weather holds out. If the snow returns, we may be limited to a few local people. Christmas is upon us, meaning more work for Ann and not much change for me, now I am mostly retired. We have a large box of fruit in the kitchen, and Ann has been so busy she watered the pineapple. As always, the hearth and its warmth take the centre of the room, and Ann has decorated it in beautiful simplicity. It is surely no coincidence that the hearth contains the heart. Christmas shopping this week, Edwin was next to a young couple with a pile of wrapping paper in their trolley when an older man walked past. "Oh," he said, "are you only just doing it? I have a wife and four children and a full-time job, but I got all my presents wrapped a week ago!" 

I always welcome the winter solstice with its hope for longer days and a promise of regrowth. We have passed the turning of the year, and "as the day lengthens so the cold strengthens," as my mother used to say. We must hope we don't get the weather they're experiencing in the US, or our boiler will never cope, even without an energy crisis. It has been quite a year, with three primeministers, a change of monarch, a major European war, and a cost-of-living crisis, all additional to the passing of sentence of execution in my own case. 

I have been watching His Dark Materials, the third part of which is now being broadcast by the BBC. Many have criticised it as blasphemous, but I interepret it as only anti-organised religion. I have always thought it a gross arrogance to presume that any one religious doctrine is the absolute truth and all others are a lie. No one person, surely, can have no more than a glimpse of the unknown. So many glimpses give us a hint of a shadow of truth, but the whole truth is hidden. I attempted to explore it in my book, Girders in the Sand, suggesting that there is a reality beyond that of which we are conscious, His Dark Materials chimes with this, Suggesting as it does that organised religion seeks to control the minds of its adherents, yet beyond it is a deeper truth, wherein there is a mysterious connection between living beings and the universe that created us. It is a book of great depth and thought-provoking subtlety.

A gay wedding

 On Friday, Ann and I were in Middlesbrough for the event of the year - the marriage of Mike and Ryan. The wedding was scheduled for 11:30 in the registry office. We arrived at 11:00, where we gathered on the steep steps to the old Victorian  Town Hall. 

Mike and Ryan with Theo

Ben and Luke

 The two special men were dressed in matching suits and very smart. They and the two fathers were taken into the registrars room where a gentle, patient woman guided us through the brief requirements for the ceremony and verified that all names were correct for the register. Ryan and his father went first to wait before the table, then I walked Mike down the aisle; the first time I have had such a special privilege and I was honoured to be asked. Each father was asked in turn if we were happy to support the wedding, answering "I do"; we then sat as the ceremony proceeded. It was a moving event, with great commitment from Mike and Ryan. The registrar asked if anyone present knew any reason why the marriage should not go ahead, at which point Mike turned to look at us all and said, "if any of youse lot says anything, I'll kill yer!" making everyone laugh. Then little Theo, dressed to match the two men, shyly brought up the ring box with the two rings inside for each to wear. 

Ann and I at the wedding

The two men at the reception

The wedding meal was limited to the immediate families, but as each groom was one of five siblings, this was still a large number. Ann and I sat next to Mike and opposite Ryan's parents. To our surprise and an emotional delight, they gave us each a book marked "John" and "Annie", carefully put together by Ryan with some of our poetry illustrated with appropriate images. We were moved to tears at such consideration.

The reception was held in a large venue in Middlesbrough, so large indeed that Ann and I wandered into someone else's reception, and Richard and Chris went into a 50th birthday party upstairs. Mike and Ryan's venue was quite special: tastefully decorated with a dance stage backed by a "Mr and Mr" silver sign. The disco was loud, the food plentiful, and the cake huge. We had returned to the hotel after the meal where I fell asleep, so we were a little late and missed the cake cutting, but not the eating thereof. Almost our whole family was present, including my two brothers, Richard and Peter, and Peter's daughter Laita, whom we hadn't seen for many years. There is so much hatred, bigotry, prejudice and oppression in this world, it was truly wonderful to see so much support for this wedding, where even old traditionalists could see two people committing to each other in love, and celebrate their happiness.

Ann and Chris

With brothers Richard and Peter

Lucy with Lucia and Mateo

Rosie and Matthew

The next day, we dropped Ann to see her sister, Jane, while I slipped down to Middlesbrough to see Arwen and Nye, the grandchildren we had missed on the day. Then, a tiring drive home down the long A1 to two mad dogs thrilled to have us back. Altogether, it was a fantastic day and worth the great effort of getting there. We wish them both well in their commitment to a life together.