Facing demons

Ann overcoming her demon

Ann had her cataract operation yesterday, and has survived. We cannot pretend that Ann was not nervous. Yesterday, the consultant had given her a prescription for Valium, which we'd had great difficulty in getting dispensed because he'd put the wrong date on! Even a second prescription faxed through to Boots had another wrong date, but the pharmacist agreed to dispense it. Ann took two before we left, but they didn't make much difference.

We arrived at the clinic early and joined into a line of people already waiting. The nurse double checked which eye was to be done, and marked it with a clear line drawn with an indelible pen. Then she started to apply the drops - some to numb the eye, and others to dilate the pupil. The consultant, Mr Ramsey, came out in scrub gear to talk to his patients and reassure them. His stated policy is to make the NHS service as good as or better than private care. It was certainly fast - we were in the next day. Progress was made by a theatre nurse shouting "Ready" down the corridor, and with each call a new patient was delivered, or a treated patient was collected.

Gradually the queue moved along until it was Ann's turn. Mr Ramsey came through again to look at the pupils, and said the woman next to Ann was well dilated and he'd do her next. It seemed unjust as she'd only had one set of drops, and Ann had already had five sets. As people came out, they seemed relaxed and talked of how easy it had been, so Ann was very calm. However, when this woman she came out, she was half-carried by the nurse and Mr Ramsey, because she'd fainted! Then it was Ann's turn. Ten minutes later, there was another call of "Ready" and Ann was brought out, shaky but relieved and upright. She has faced her biggest demon and conquered it.

Cataracts

Ann attended an appointment at the cataract clinic this morning. She has been on an indefinite waiting list for two years at Bury Hospital, so they transferred her to Thetford which has a shorter list. The health centre there is a new but ugly building, shaped like an oval and with huge weird drapes hiding a glass roof over the dome.

In the waiting room, an old man with a crutch stood to his name and hobbled slowly towards the door. "Take your time," said the nurse. It's strange how a small inflexion can change compassion to sarcasm. This voice bordered on neutral and could be taken either way. "How are you?" he asked in a reversal of roles.

The eye clinic looked oddly temporary with the illuminated chart propped on a towel dispenser against the wall, and a printer sat on the couch.  I was sat on a chair holding the door open, and people passed through as though the room were a corridor. The machinery too looked basic, nothing like the sophistication of Spec Savers or Vision Express.

Finally we were called in to the great man - it was Mr. Ramsey, the same man who had diagnosed Ann's macular hole when she developed blindness in one eye some ten years ago. He explained the mechanism and virtues of cataract surgery, then out of the blue said, "we have a cancellation. You can come in tomorrow." Ann agreed straight away - she had been dreading waiting on a list and might have changed her mind had she been forced to delay. So tomorrow we have to turn up at 9:30 for the op. I think she is incredibly brave, and it was certainly faster than Bury.

Hundon Eclipse

Total eclipse over Hundon

I did it - I actually managed to get up and step outside at 5a.m., still in my pyjamas and into a bitterly cold hard frost. But the sky was clear and the stars bright as I glimpsed the super-blood moon low in the western sky.

Rhetorical question: are bosses the same the world over?
I had a piece of work due for Friday, but come the afternoon my boss said she would be away on Monday, so gave me an extra day to work on it. Come this afternoon I logged on to send it in, only to find an email from her with a whole new paper to review and include, plus another section. She wants it in for tomorrow, but that was a day I had planned to take off!

Finishing late, and it growing dark, I chose to walk the dogs closer to home, along the reservoir road at the top of the hill rather than in Clare. Hundon reservoir is well hidden, despite being the highest point in East Anglia. The air was still and the puddles still frozen over. It was deserted as I looked down on the far hills in the gloomy dusk; quite alone and peaceful after a full and busy day. Then home for a cup of tea. Perfect.

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Family visits

We had a brief but welcome visit from son Ben and his family, Kaz and Luke, yesterday. They would not stay the night, being concerned that I might be too ill, but we took them for a good lunch in the Swan in Clare, a warm and friendly medieval coaching inn with an old fashioned coaching fire to keep the cold at bay. Luke is 16 now and selecting the subjects he wants ready for the 6th form college. He hopes to specialise in computer science/programming, which is a very sound choice these days when so much of our existence is dependent on a hidden programme somewhere.

Super moon over our garden

Coincidentally, we had some messages from Luke's great-grandfather this week. We have never met the man, but he's 93 and also enjoys programming and tinkering with computers for amusement. He also enjoys researching family history, and was working on Luke's tree when he discovered us, and contacted us through Ancestry. He is one of the last survivors of the war, having been a PoW in the Burma campaign, but Luke says he won't talk of it. He is often invited to present a wreath at the Cenotaph on Armistice Day, but always refuses because of the terrible memories it invokes.

Tonight is a full moon, and it's exceptionally large and bright. A total eclipse is scheduled for the early hours.  I'll try and be up to witness it if clouds will permit. In the meantime, Ann photoed it over our garden, and Matthew sent a picture he took with his new camera. Very impressive pics.

Getting good service

The pain and discharge from below are so bad that today I phoned the Oncology nurse at Addenbrooke's on the special help line they provided. I explained the problem, but couldn't help directly; but she did agree to ask the oncologist. Later she phoned back to say that it wasn't the radiotherapy, and the oncologist had no direct experience of this problem. He advised that I phone my GP. This I did, and sure enough within a short time there was a prescription for a cream and antibiotic waiting at the pharmacy for me to collect, and the message to get straight back to them if it didn't improve over the weekend. Definitely one nil to the GP!

Ann is looking for a new reading lamp for her room. The present one is very old, and gets too hot to sit under. We went first to Glasswells in Bury to search, but they were all very pricey and we rarely find anything we like there anyway. Today was no exception - the range of lamps was very limited. Then we went to the furniture showroom, a large warehouse type of place in the middle of nowhere, that has all sorts of end-of-line items, but they too were fruitless. Finally, she has ordered one on line - a cool LED lamp with five dimming positions, and half the price of anything in Glasswells. It will be delivered tomorrow. No wonder stores are closing all round the country - on line shopping is so much more convenient, with a vast selection, and competitive pricing. I can see a time when there will be no department stores left, except for the tourists on Oxford Street.

The Duke stops Brexit

The news has just broken that Prince Philip the Duke of Edinburgh was in a road smash. Everything is being said about the Duke, including reading prayers for him. He is 97, and clearly in no fit state to be driving; but they are called the Queen's highways, so I expect he feels entitled to charge about on them with impunity, long after the age at which we mere mortals would be banned from taking the wheel. But not one word has been said about the condition of the other poor driver whom the Duke ran into. Yet another example of gross overprivilage of the few. But at least it's pushed Brexit off the lead story.

Ann is unwell today; she struggles on, but had to cancel her hair appointment. She is carrying a heavy load just in looking after me now, but somehow she always gets everyone else's problems too. I walked the dogs today, but it is very painful below, and I think it would be more accurate to say I hobbled round with the dogs. It was a beautiful clear day, with a bright, light blue sky after a dusting of snow this morning, but I could not walk far and was glad to get back under my blanket.

A Health Bulletin

People keep asking how I am getting on, which is kind and thoughtful, but I find I'm saying the same thing to everyone. I therefore am publishing a bulletin like a pregnant royal to announce the state of play of my body. As a measure of my improvement, I got out twice today! I have picked up the thread of work (happily I can work from home), and this afternoon I managed to sit through a presentation in Cambridge, between dashes to the loo. I am definitely gaining in strength, doing more and feeling less tired after being blasted by the radiotherapy, but I'm still very sore below, as though it has burnt everything in the area. My taste has altered too, and coffee tastes foul. I guess it will just need some time to heal now.

Illness certainly shows who one's friends are. Many people have rallied round, with offers of practical help as well as sympathy. Equally, we have discovered how incredibly cruel and nasty some people can be. At the first hint of disease, and with Ann in plaster from her fall last year, her sister slammed the phone down on her and said she didn't want any more contact. Her children have followed suit, so we have lost contact with the two great nephews. On my side, one of my children has refused to have anything to do with me, and sent not one word of concern or care. I still don't know what caused the rift, but as he ignored all my initial attempts to contact him, I will probably never know. Now, I just don't want to speak with him again either - thus does enmity grow.

In contrast, this morning we were invited for coffee to Robin and Yvonne's, a rare and welcome chance to get out and a change of scenery. Unfortunately, they too have some internal family difficulties, and they too won't discuss it. These family fallouts seem remarkably common - but what chance the world, when even kin hold rancour close.