Confessions

Grandad-John in the Flamingo Chair

I must admit a confession to my reading public, one borne with shame and one from whose admittance I must expect ridicule and condemnation in equal measure. We are in Budapest, a most beautiful city where we are taking a short break from the rigours of a peaceful village. Yesterday we indulged in quaint history at the museum of electrical inventions from the turn of the 19th century (old motors, switches, bells, telephones etcetera), followed by a visit to the Museum of Sweets and Selfies - a bizarre collection of colour and toys designed more for young adolescents than grown respectable ladies and grizzled bearded men, but heaps of fun battling through a forest of pink bananas or relaxing in a pink flamingo chair. We followed this by a sudden dive into a gluten-free bakery Edwin had spotted where we indulged in gluten-free beers and a choice of delicious cakes and pastries. But I am glossing over the confession.

Ann in Museum of Sweets and Selfies, Budapest

That evening, being late, we dined in the hotel restaurant where – although nominally vegetarian – I succumbed to a starter of Hungarian goulash. This was filled with large cubes of succulent beef, suspended in a carefully spiced stew of vegetables, and I will not pretend it was not delicious.  But then to crown my sin I selected a dish of wiener schnitzel: a large dish which covered the plate in bread-crumbed Bambi. Retribution was swift. I had forgotten how poisonous red meat is to the kidneys. Mine are already shot to pieces, filled as they are with large cysts and in the throes of advanced renal failure, and they were completely unable to cope with the added load of lethal nitrogenous waste to which I challenged them.  The unaccustomed load of heterocyclic amines and breakdown products of urea and uric acid so irritated my kidneys and bladder that I was awake every hour throughout the night having to run to for a painful wee. 

Today I am confined to my room, unable to stray far from the toilet. Believe me, if anyone suffers from kidney disease, the revenge of the animals can be swift and sure. Today, I am dining on salad leaves and drinking weak tea.