Mike - in memorium

Mike with Ryan, Lucy and Andy, and me

To talk of Mike is hard - hard because he was such a unique character, almost beyond desciption, and hard because he has died at so young an age, just 51, leaving an immense air of grief and loss. His death was harsh too, both in its catastrophic suddenness, and yet in a quiet inevitability, for he had much chronic illness but refused to follow advice to moderate his lifestyle; his motto always was to live for the day, and enjoy life to its fullest degree. 

Mike was eighteen months old when he came to us, first for fostering, then through adoption, having suffered one of the worst starts to life of any child I knew. Dan tells me his first proper memory was of the (then three) children being taken from the court room during the hearing and left in a side office with a car each to play, while the hearing continued. For it was not straightforward, but argumentative with his natural father, and social services.

With us, he came to a somewhat chaotic family, but in some ways chaos suited him, for that was how he seemed to cope with life, living through the pain of rejection and physical hurt with Freudian resiliance, yet always seeming to search for someone to love him. In his husband, Ryan, he found that love and he found a strength to build a new life. Though nearly twenty years his junior, Ryan brought the love and maturity Mike needed, although his restless spirity still could not settle easily. Together, they moved house several times, often in quick succession, but always together they built a new home each time, and always with such professional ability that the homes, furniture and interiors could have graced the pages of a high fashion magazine. 

Here, I have expressed only his outward restlessness. His personality was beyond compare and impossible to capture in these few weak lines, although the wonderful tributes from his brothers and Lucy have said so much I find it difficult to equal them. As his nephew Luke wrote to me, "...all I can think about are the many hilarious stories of his I've heard over the years. At the endof the day, life is all about the memories we have and share. All we can do over the next few weeks is mourn, share those laughter-inducing memories, and for ever keep them alive." Thank you Luke. I think you say what we all feel. We miss you, Mike.