Ring Tones and radiotherapy

Many years ago, as soon as such things became possible, I composed my own ring tone called JohN. It was a simple MIDI file, no masterpiece certainly, but a distinctive and compelling tune that I owned and could identify as my phone ringing. It has followed me all my mobile life, being converted to MP3 or other formats for transfer to each new phone.

Then I got the iphone. Apple insist on their own format for music, so I had to convert all my libraries to suit them. Ring tones require yet another format, m4r, so this I did. But I could not move it into the ringtone folder. Despite all the advice I could find on YouTube or in blogs, it would not load. I was stuck with a hideous alien tune for months. Finally I read that Apple had removed the RingTone folder from view! Last night, I finally managed to hack into the folders and save it there. I whooped round the house, getting everyone to keep ringing me to show off my tune, though Ann said, "it's a horrible tune, anyway."  I disagreed - it is a catchy number, and "a small thing but mine own".

Today, I went for radiotherapy planning. I had a scan to find my bladder, before being marked with three permanent tattoo spots so they can set the machine up exactly the same each time. The treatments will be intensive, but won't start for two to three weeks, so will run right across Christmas and into New Year. I asked if they stop for the holidays, but unlike outpatients and routine admissions, they don't. They have to carry on regardless, otherwise they would lose too many treatment slots. Dr Martin promised to write a letter for the insurance company, but our holiday to the Holy Land is definitely lost.

The smell of the Bug of Death

I have acquired a noticeable odour, that follows me like a sick fog. I noticed it a while ago, but now Ann has commented on it as well. Ann is a great researcher, so found that there really is a pungent chemical marker in cancer – a polyamide – and dogs can be trained to detect it. I am starting to spray regularly with an aftershave, and even spray rooms I have been in, but it makes me self-conscious. When the children come round, or I go to face-to-face meetings in London, I try not to stand too closely to the others, or breath over them. I am certainly much weaker and more tired now than even a few months ago. This is the smell of death and despair, of darkness and despondency.

Logo of the British Uro-oncology Group

Next week I meet the oncologists to determine the next step in this journey, an assessment of my suitability and fitness for chemotherapy. Dr Martin is a respected oncologist, on the Executive Committee of the British Uro-oncology Group, or BUG. Their logo is like something out of a science fiction horror movie. Clearly some wit with an unsympathetic sense of humour has added legs to the cancerous bladder/prostate image – but only six legs, so it is an insect not a spider – and looks more like an infestation than a treatment option. On reflection, perhaps it is appropriate. After all, bugs are undesirable things, in people or computers, and this disease and its treatments are certainly undesirable – like the very worst of all bugs.

Is cancer odour common? Please add your experience…