On skin - perfect and not

When I was a GP, I held a post as theatre doctor to the Forum Theatre in Billingham. It is a huge theatre, with a stage second only to Drury Lane. It was built by money from ICI in its glory days when they were the town's biggest employer and poured money into social amenities for the town. There, they used to design and build sets ready to open in the West End, but the various shows always rehearsed and played to Billingham first, so we saw many great plays and performers. One such was Barbara Windsor, who starred in the title role of the musical Calamity Jane. I was called to see her one afternoon before the show opened, and was taken up to her dressing room. She stood there, 4ft 10 inches of blond beauty, wrapped in a dressing gown, describing her symptoms of a sore throat in her laughing cockney accent. Suddenly, she threw the dressing gown wide open, and said with her innocent grin, "do you want to examine me?" Underneath, she was completely naked. I managed to reply, "I only need to look at your throat," and left after giving her a prescription. I followed her career with interest after that, and was sorry for her death, but she leaves a wealth of great films and memories.

I was called back to the same show a couple of days later to examine Henry Miller, the bar tender. He had gone down with measles, so they had to find a replacement at short notice. Fortunately it was not a singing role, so they found an actor who could read his lines. They taped the scrip to has tray, so he could read it as he went round serving drinks and clearing tables. I was called back several times after that, as various cast members developed odd rashes or spots and worried in case they had measles too.

It is 4:00 a.m., and I am awake scratching. My skin is the opposite of Barbara Windsor's perfection: it is covered in pock marks, open sores and bleeding scratch lines. Despite taking Night Nurse, and using some new emollient Ann sent for, I have been woken  each hour with severe itching demanding to be scratched. I can only think that people who have constant pain must be worse, but it is a terrible state to be in. It is now the whole body, from scalp to toe, and I am scratching in my sleep, covering the bed with blood. My arms seem to be not under my control, and I fight them to try and stop them scratching, but they always win. The bed shakes, and poor Ann has been sleeping in the spare bed downstairs this last week. I take antihistamines, and am very tired through the day, unable to concentrate on work or find energy to do much. It is a dreadful state.

Outside is not much better. It is dark by four, and has rained most days so the paths are mud and I have to wear wellingtons to walk the dogs. Although the Prime Minister has graciously allowed a few days remission to see friends and family at Christmas, Italy and The Netherlands have joined Germany in enforcing a strict lockdown over Christmas and New Year, so all family gatherings are banned and Boris is under pressure to do the same for England. Whatever happens, it is doomed to be a gloomy time. People have already made plans for gatherings and reunions; to ban it now will trigger much frustration, and we are already talking about if we dare break such a ban, and if so wondering if our guests would also be prepared to come. 

Now I have made a cup of tea and will get back to bed to attempt another hour's sleep before waking for the next bout of scratching.

Old age in winter

 Dolly Parton once said, "Old age is not for sissies". It is certainly not a time I would recommend anyone to look forward to, despite the hype about "having time in retirement", or "being free for the first time in your life". 

For the average healthy person, one's strength and mental abilities are on a slow upward trajectory from 20 to 40. Thereafter they seem to plateau for 10-20 years as one gains in experience and "wisdom" (I have made and seen many mistakes), but declines in strength and mental dexterity. After 60, the downward slope begins, where one can remain in reasonably good health but gets slower and gradually weaker, tiring more easily and taking longer to learn new abilities. After 70, this downward slope begins to steepen rapidly, and I'm speaking from experience. One acquires more ill health or disability; innovative thought is like wading through porridge; my muscles are like thin strings; and my lungs like leaky squeezeboxes. Looking ahead one awaits the return of cancer, or a stroke or heart attack and sees the abyss to which we all must plunge, the final fall over a cliff edge with no wings or safety net. More and more bits of me ache and my skin is being chewed by rats -  not your gentle, domesticated, tame, soft furry white things, but large, brown sewer beasts that bare black fangs and carry infective poisons in their jaws. Unfortunately, I'm bleeding over the sheets, the quilt cover and the pillows, so Ann had to arrange extra bed changes and laundry this week. But - as our wonderful neighbour from Clare, Pauline, told us when I was but a youthful 50 and she in her arthritic 80's, "what's the alternative, dear?"

Hundon people had organized a tree-planting dig in for the community yesterday in part of the old allotments. They had persuaded a local solar energy firm to donate a large sum to buy the saplings, and wanted as many folk to turn up with spades as possible. About 50 people turned up, and I had every intention of going and doing my bit to green the community. Only later in the afternoon did I remember, when Ann suddenly said, "weren't you going to the tree planting this morning?" Ouch - 'tis but one more example of my forgetfulness for it had completely slipped my mind.

The daughter of Sylvia, one of Ann's friends, has tested positive for Covid. She's hardly ill, no more than a cold, but she was tested because her son has it. Ann herself has been unwell the last few days. Her BP has been oscillating wildly, and her pulse with it. But she has had no cough or temperature, so although it was probably some viral infection, we don't think she's had Covid, so will not be going for tests. Today it was more settled, so hopefully she is on the mend now. 

Winter comes to Hundon

I woke early for two telecons, and through the window was unforcast snow, falling heavily all morning. By the afternoon when I walked the dogs it had mostly melted, leaving wide spread flooding. 

We have now received good news that a vaccine is riding to bring salvation from this interminable lockdown. It will be interesting to see what sort of organisation the government and NHS bring to its distribution. It certainly won't be through GPs - they've been invisible for the past nine months, and are already insisting they must be given more money if they're to do their job. A&E have been all but closed, and routine admissions are close to zero. However, we have one hope: the army are being involved in the distribution, so there's a chance of success. On a personal level, I'm classified in the third group to be offered vaccination; Ann is in the fifth group. We have been careful recently about meeting people or going into shops, and Ann hasn't been to the hairdresser for much of the year. But now we are taking extra care, as it would be unfortunate to get Covid so close to being offered immunity. Though we may just break our rule for Christmas.

Our conspiratorial neighbour has an interesting take on Pfizer's role. She states that Bill Gates, who wants to achieve world domination, has shares in Pfizer and is a major contributor to WHO, so naturally this makes him complicit in starting the pandemic and plotting to make a vaccine available through which he can inject microchips into the world population. The contortions her mind goes through is mind boggling - but she firmly accepts it all as gospel. 

I have broken another wine glass. I am very clumsy, and knocked it off the table as I put it down. Last week, Bronte broke one. I had set it on a low table next to me and she came up wagging her tail and flicked it off. They make a hell of a mess, with wine and glass splinters scattered across the floor and carpet. We have to shut the dogs out, and I end on my knees fishing up shards with wine sodden tissues.

Flooding following snow in Clare

The impenetrable fog of politics

Driving over the hills to Clare, the fog lay impenetrable as that surrounding the future of so many in this Covid time. We have been upped to tier 2 with its greater restrictions; other areas fare worse, being jacked up to tier 3, full lockdown in all but name. My own instinct is still that, for freedom's and the economy's sakes, the tiers should have been arranged by personal risk rather than blanket bans to everyone by area. The young and healthy (say all under 50 or 55 years) should be given total freedom for work, education, and visiting each other, with isolation only if they are ill with the dreaded CV. All others should isolate according to age and risk factors. I have been sent an official notice that I am extremely vulnerable, so it makes sense for me to lock myself away and see no one from outside; but healthy people in their 60's or 70's could take minor risks by going to shops, or meeting people at a distance. But sense does not rule this country. If Doom and Gloom (Whitty Vallance) were advising to reduce overall deaths in the population, they would no doubt make drinking and smoking verboten. 

To emphasise the gloom of the fog and the lockdowns, they were preparing a horse drawn hearse in Clare park ready for a funeral this afternoon. It looks as though the Clare Godfather has died. We were all told to keep clear of the area and keep dogs on a short lead. 

The safety and efficacy of the Oxford vaccine is being doubted because the effective dose appears to have been discovered accidentally. I would like to reassure my few readers that serendipity plays a major role in chemistry and drug discovery. Most people know that Viagra was a new Pfizer drug  expected to work in the treatment of angina but, instead of relieving anginal pain, it induced unwanted penile erections in some patients. I was with Pfizer when they held the biggest party I’ve been to with the launch of Viagra. Librium was placed on the shelf but was found again by accident literally during a, laboratory cleanup, and submitted for clinical trials before they threw it away. Aniline dyes, LSD, penicillin, Warfarin, digoxin, the anti-depressant Tofranil, the anti-psychotic Largactil were all serendipitous discoveries. Indeed, it is thought that 6% of useful drugs are found by luck, so my guess is that the Oxford vaccine will do very well..

We still hope to host our Christmas day family celebration. It looks as though three families will be allowed to gather, so that's us, MA and Sam and their children, and Eds and Andre plus Andre's sister. She comes over from Brazil at the weekend and will be staying for a couple of nights. Ann has ordered the traditional lucky dip presents in anticipation that all will go ahead normally.

Good news all round

AstraZeneca are about to release their vaccine, shown to be effective and safe. This is wonderful news towards restoring normality and freedom, and we can't wait to get in line to receive it. A few people we know are hesitant because it is so new and has been approved so quickly, but the speed is only a reflection of its rating as an urgent top priority, with research funding poured in, and thousands of volunteers readily available. I know this personally, because a couple of times the study I am engaged in has been put back because recruits were being snapped up for vaccine trials! However, its safety has been proven as rigorously as any new drug, and it still has to be approved by regulators, but they are fast tracking it as a priority. 

Not withstanding, a few people like our neighbours are posting total fiction in their Facebook pages, proclaiming such unbelievable rubbish as "It is a plot by Bill Gates⋯ to inject humanity with a vaccine for covid19 that will change your DNA. ⋯ I want to reduce mankind using vaccines. ⋯ I have already destroyed millions⋯ , How am I able to get away with this? Because you think this is a dumb conspiracy theory." Against such blind ignorance, there is no debate. One can only accept there are dangerous idiots at large in the world and try to mitigate against it.

Further good news: Andre has received a good bonus from his company in recognition of the excellent work he's doing; and to break up the monotony of home imprisonment, we went for a picnic in Thetford forest to enjoy the beautiful autumnal day with the dogs. We took them for a long walk, then had coffee and some of Ann's wonderful home baked cakes in the car. It is great to get out and feel alive again.

Walking in Thetford Forest

A Haverhill actor in The Crown

Edwin and Tom Byrne in Bugsy Malone

We have all been watching The Crown although, with it's emphasis on the marriage and arguments of the Prince and Princess of Wales, the most recent series has been less gripping than the previous ones. Interestingly, Ann realised that the actor who plays Prince Andrew, the Duke of York, is Tom Byrne. His original name was Tom Bailey, and he played Fat Sam alongside Edwin who was Knuckles, in Bugsy Malone in a Haverhill drama production 13 years ago. He has come a long way, and we all send him our congratulations. 

We still can't get any slots with Tesco for home deliveries, so have to visit for a shop. Coming back we took a circuitous route to get a breath of air and see different surroundings to the four walls of our lockdown prison. One of the village butchers is in an old thatched house, and Ann suddenly spotted an unusual piece of thatch work on the roof - a dog running off pulling a string of sausages hanging from its mouth. We were so impressed we stopped to take a photo.

The fields are so muddy, it's hard to walk the dogs there as they come back needing a bath. To help sleep, two days ago I took a dose of Night Nurse. The next morning, I was still dead to world when there was a tremendous, repeated banging on the door. It was 8 a.m., and Wayne the wheel repairer was there to see to the car which I'd kerbed. I had completely forgotten. This morning, I didn't get up till 8:30, long after my normal time, and I still feel dopey! It's powerful stuff - better than any sleeping pills! But it meant I was late getting to Clare to walk them. Clare is getting more and more crowded each week, and today was particularly bad with their Saturday market. There was nowhere to park in the centre, and people were queuing to get in the car park. I went on to Stoke by Clare, a tidy, typical Suffolk village, and was able to park by the village green and walk them there.

Official Secrets

 In this time of lockdown, we are watching more films than ever. We were particularly moved by one on Amazon Prime last night - Official Secrets, the story of Katharine Gun who exposed a communique from GCHQ describing how the US spied illegally on a number of diplomatic representatives to the UN to pressure them into supporting the invasion of Iraq. Her defence was that the Iraq war would have been illegal because the then Attorney General, Lord Goldsmith, had stated it would not be a lawful war. His advice was later changed following pressure from the US government. Even before Gun's disclosure, a majority of the population disbelieved that Iraq was capable of going to war against the west. This was supported later by Dr David Kelly, an authority on biological warfare who had leaked details of the 'dodgy dossier' which stated that some of Iraq's chemical and biological weapons were deployable within 45 minutes at the insistence of Alastair Campbell.

The most Saddam Hussein had been able to do was to invade Kuwait and set fire to the oil wells. I remember marching against the invasion and war in London on 15 February 2003. It was the largest protest event in human history with 6-10 million people marching in 60 countries, and the only occasion I have ever bothered to protest by my physical presence. The bus and tube into central London were packed with anti-war protesters and the ticket people refused to take fares. I emerged in bright sunlight at Westminster to join more than 1 million protesters. It was an amazing feeling of unity, which Blair and his government ignored. Worse, they produced false evidence, were complicit in breaking the law governing diplomatic privilege, and lead us into an illegal and unnecessary war. I remember reading in The Lancet that the wave of Awe and Terror alone killed an estimated 120,000 civilians. The invasion and subsequent war killed up to 1 million people in Iraq and cost the lives of more than 4,500 US and British troops. 

Hitherto, Blair had been one of the most popular leaders in recent history. His Northern Ireland peace agreement alone would have secured his legacy. If he had had the courage to stand up to Bush rather than appease him. Bush denied that Blair was his "poodle" but remarked that his style of leadership was "dogged". It is customary for we on the left to denigrate Margaret Thatcher, but her war against the Falklands was technically legal and justified; her worst crime was ordering the sinking of one ship just outside the official war zone. Her crimes against the unions (particularly the miners' union) are beginning to seem farsighted and necessary, bringing Britain screaming and kicking out of 19th century practices. Compared with Thatcher, Blair was an evil warmonger, a betrayer of true socialism whose actions pushed Labour into the wilderness for a generation.